Banging my own drum

What is ugly? What is beautiful?

The beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty can be subjective – what is pleasing for someone may appear ordinary or ugly for some other.

As a young woman I never believed I was beautiful.

Throughout the years even when I was modelling I felt the underlying sense of never being good enough. Often times to shield my own insecurity I would take the Mickey out of myself. I would either make constantly faces (when looking back, I almost like wanted to make myself look ugly as better to do it myself than someone else is putting the judgement on me) or I would just simply clown around, looking for some kind of acceptance or confirmation – “I can at least make them to laugh”. There were times that I felt I would be better off to be a man. There was a time that I loved to dress up as a man, but hey, that’s another story to tell.

I still do that to certain extent (clowning around), expect I don’t do it anymore to please the others, I do it because I just don’t want to fall into the trap of taking myself too seriously. Life’s just way too short for that!

I can’t even count, how many times I’ve had conversations with other women who’ve shared similar feelings of not being “enough”. Our causes may be different however this feeling seems to be quite universal among us precious sisters.

Today is the International Women’s Day –

calling out all the Warrior Sisters out there, of all the colours, nationalities, ages, please listen up!

You are Beautiful. You are Gorgeous. You are the Goddess.

You and only you gotta believe in Yourself. No matter what, and especially what other people tell you, sweet or sour, let Your inner light shine. So this “mantra” is for y’all WOMEN:

I AM WHAT I AM

It takes a lifetime to become the best that we can be
We have not the time or the right to judge each other
And it’s one life, and there’s not return or no deposit
One life, so make sure you like what’s in your closet

I am what I am
I don’t want praise I don’t want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it’s noise I think it’s pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a shame till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace sometimes the deuces
It’s my life that I want to have a little pride in
My life and it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

And ps, after all these sweet & sour years of being on the learning curve, I finally bang my own drum. Hope you can do that too dear sistas from the other mistas!
Happy International Women’s Day!

The image is from the early 90’s from a shooting trip in Paris.

Wishing You dear sis’ simply the best,

x Sanna